I have been having a pity party of sorts this week. Not sure why because I know there is no good reason for it. Actually, I have been trying to wrap my head around why. I feel somewhat stuck between dueling worlds of want.
I want exploration, deep woods, grand vistas. I want my cozy bed, my routines, my comfort zones and 20ft proximity to my baby.
I want paychecks and pay days and retirement accounts. I want no one else to be caring for my baby’s basic needs and or responsible for her wellbeing.
I want to share it all with you, dear strangers of the world wide web, in a transparent effort that draws and endears more of you to me and my world. I want to keep privacy sacred, be anonymous and protected, keep all of you at arms length.
I want to return to being a biologist. No, continue full bore as a photographer. No, be all in 110% as a mother. I am sure this is a repeated sentiment of many a mother.
This week has been a good reminder that my pity parties are not warranted.
I wouldn’t choose to have it any other way than to be staying home with my daughter, and as a result, be in a transitional period with my business and adventurous spirit. Those things will have their place and time again, I know this. I know there are seasons for everything, and that the seasons come and go right on time. Even stepping outside today I can feel the September air, the forest changing ever so slightly. The greens aren’t so vibrantly green. The ferns aren’t standing so tall. And the wind that blows through the woods today has a sound not like a summer breeze, but the hints of rustling leaves that are akin to autumn. So I write this as a reminder to myself to lean on patience and be satisfied with whatever season I am in.
Other beautiful reminders to love the ground I am on came this week in the form of all the things I love. Who needs to go explore the deep woods when you live on the edge of such a place, and all those things you would go in search for pass through your property, mere feet from your front steps?? This week alone I’ve checked off:
- Barred Owl
- Numerous bird species
- 3 different frog species
- the list goes on…
I suppose all I am really missing is my beloved fox and perhaps the moonlight howls of some coyotes.
Like this little one, for example. Today he stands just barely taller than the fern fronds. He has little hints of where his one day antlers will push through and stand tall. Tomorrow, he could be king of our 100 acre forest.
Be contented, Kelley. For now, he and I will enjoy the season we are in.